


In A Sense Lost.

by suckerloveisheavensent



Category: Placebo (UK Band)
Genre: Loss of Virginity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerloveisheavensent/pseuds/suckerloveisheavensent
Summary: It was close to closing time yet there were a few stragglers still at the bar. The tabs were closed and the busboys were wiping tables but the two young men sitting in the farthest booth in the back were still nursing their beers.





	In A Sense Lost.

It was close to closing time yet there were a few stragglers still at the bar. The tabs were closed and the busboys were wiping tables but the two young men sitting in the farthest booth in the back were still nursing their beers. The shorter one was smoking, as he almost always was, ash flying as he chattered excitedly. The tallest of the two was slumped low in his seat yet still maintaining a sense of posture. Every ounce of his long and lanky frame appeared to be tucked away. It was as if the young man was trying to turn invisible, cast in between the shadows of the smaller man. He was listening to him quietly, nodding at the appropriate moments but still a sense of distance in his eyes. 

“And that’s when they kicked me out y’know, I didn’t know she was his girlfriend she never told me they were exclusive!” The young man let out a quiet cackle, his voice hitting a décrescendo as he picked up on the other man’s anxiety. He took one last drag upon his cigarette, sucking the nicotine down to the filter and snubbing out the cherry into the crowded ashtray. “Hey,” he said quietly, “you alright?” The taller one, Stefan, looked up, his dark chestnut eyes focusing on the other’s crystal blue orbs. The dreaded feeling returned, the one that had been building since he and Brian, the ever noisy and ever smoking shorter man, began living together. Stefan had known Brian from secondary school but had never really thought much of him until he came barreling towards him, inquiring about his guitar and the girl he was with. Brian had scribbled down his phone number for Stef to call if he ever wanted to hang out, a number Stef soon realized was to a pay phone outside a bus station Brian slept at. It had taken five beers, six shots, and half a pack of cigarettes for Brian to confess to Stefan that he was homeless, and they had been roommates ever since. 

The feeling in Stefan’s chest was anxiety, and it made his hands sweat and his heart beat as loud as thunder in his ears. He knew he could tell Brian, who was the most sexually open person he had ever met, but the fear had kept him at bay for weeks. Stefan swallowed deeply and let it out, like a bad taste in his mouth. “I think I’m gay.” Brian smiled one of his rare smiles without condescension and patted Stef’s hand from across the table. “Oh love, I already knew that. No boring straight man enjoys ABBA as much as you do,” Brian teased lightly, earning a small smile from the other man. “Besides, you already know I fancy both guys and girls, you didn’t have to hide from me.” Stefan nodded shakily and Brian lit another cigarette. “So who was he?” Brian asked. 

“Who was who?” Stef asked quietly before taking another sip of his beer. Brian quirked up his brow. “You know, your first shag! Was it clumsy? Most of them are, really…” he trailed off after he saw the blush forming on the other man’s face, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. Brian put out his cigarette quietly, putting it back in the pack. “You mean you’ve never?” He asked quietly and Stefan shook his head. “I just never found anyone interested. It’s not like I’m as flirtatious as you are,” Stef quipped which earned him a laugh from the other man. Brian finished his beer, setting it right next to the coaster. “Well I would let you fuck me.” Of all the outlandish statements Brian had made in the weeks since they moved in together, this was the worst thought Stefan. He searched the smaller man’s face for any sign of humor, but there was none. He was serious. “Really now?” The Swedish man murmured and Brian nodded as if it were as clear as day. “Well of course look at you you’re adorable! And it’s not like I’m just a random stranger, or some fucking sleazebag.” 

“My first time with a man was quick and painful and he didn’t even bother getting me off afterwards. And yet I stayed with him for two more years.” Brian’s tone grew quiet and they realized they were the only patrons left in the bar. “All I’m saying is your first time should be with someone who loves you,” he ended quietly, picking at the dark blue varnish on his nails. Stefan watched him with an unusual feeling of longing he couldn’t place and wondered how one person could have so many bad breaks in life. 

“Okay,” he said finally, grabbing for his jacket. Brian looked up suddenly, that familiar Cheshire grin reappearing. “Okay,” he mimicked, sealing the deal. The busboy scowled at them with disdain as they finally exited the bar, Brian leaving him a generous tip with the last of his dole payment for the week. It was dark and windy out and Brian had forgotten a jacket so he clung to Stefan tightly as they started the trek back to their flat. “You never told me about the man you were with before,” Stefan started, breaking the silence. “How old were you?”  
“Seventeen,” Brian answered quietly. “It was my first year at University and he was in my English lecture. He was- I wanna say thirty eight?- at the time and he stopped me after class one day and asked if I wanted to go to the library on campus with him.”

“It became our place really. We would discuss philosophers in between classes, and I would study my lines with him for drama class. He was the first person I had met since moving to London that actually noticed me and paid attention to me.” Brian smiled sadly and shivered. Stefan pulled him tighter, sharing his warmth. “So what happened?”  
“He changed. The first time we slept together he was drunk, and I was too drunk and too much in love to stop him. He didn’t say a word when he finished, just grabbed his clothes and went back to his dorm. I actually thought there was something wrong with me but the next day he went back to how he was before, charming me til he could sleep with me again.” 

“And then he stopped trying to charm me all together. He spoke to me differently, bringing me around his mates like I was a prize to share. When one pulled me into the bathroom and told me he told them that I would blow them, I knew I had to get out. So I stopped coming to the library. I disconnected my phone and I started hanging out with the girls from my théâtre troupe. They treated me as one of their own and I felt safe for the first time in ages.” It was quiet for a moment and Stefan let Brian recover from what he assumed was the first time he ever voiced his experience out loud to another person. “So yeah, that was Richard.” 

“What a Dick,” Stefan deadpanned and Brian looked up at him and let out the loudest laugh he had ever heard, a cross between a honk and a choking sound. They got odd looks on the street from an elderly couple crossing by them as Brian stopped walking, his hands on his knees and just belting out the most obnoxious sound.

Stefan loved it.

“Oh fuck my mascara is running, fuck that was good you’re in the wrong business Stef you should go into comedy,” Brian said finally after catching his breath. They resumed their walk, turning onto their street. Stefan suddenly got nervous as Brian climbed up the steps to the flat entrance. The smaller man looked behind him to see Stef still at the bottom, analyzing his shoes intently. “Stef,” Brian called out.  
“Stef it’s okay.” The taller man eventually made it to the top of the stairs, taking Brian’s hand as they walked through the corridor to their apartment. Brian fished out the keys from his purse and let them in, the familiar scent of lavender air freshener and stale smoke greeting them. The keys hit the kitchen counter with a clang as Brian threw them and began to step out of his shoes. Stefan hung his jacket and waited for Brian to make the first move. “Are you sure you still want this? Cus if you don’t I can just order a pizza and we can watch whatever’s on and I’ll pretend this never happened.” The taller man shook his head. He walked up to Brian, reaching out to press a hand to his hip. His cold fingertips grazed the warm strip of flesh the hem of Brian’s shirt didn’t cover and the smaller man shivered at the touch. “I want this,” Stefan said confidently, and Brian pulled him down to kiss him. 

Stefan hadn’t been kissed since he was a child playing truth or dare on the playground. Every kiss he ever had was always chaste and followed by giggles from the immaturity of youth and never thought of again. Brian’s kisses felt like a hot bath after a long day, a smoke break after a rough shift at work. They felt like relief. 

They felt like home.

They were gentle but worked with an urgency as they stripped to the bedroom. Brian’s shirt ended up on the arm of the couch, Stefan’s pants just outside the bedroom door. They were down to their underwear, Stefan in his boxers and Brian in a pair of woman’s underwear he had definitely stolen from a department store the last time they went to the mall together. Brian let himself be guided back to the bed, and on top of the smaller man is where Stef froze. Brian realized he wouldn’t know what to do next, not explicitly, so he rifled through the nightstand drawer and pulled out his well loved bottle of lube. He handed it to Stef as he propped a pillow under himself and one behind his head. “You’re gonna need to prep me, I’ll show you how,” Brian said gently and Stefan nodded. With slow hands and a shimmey of hips, he tugged the small man’s underwear off, his cock coming to life at the sight. For such an effeminate man, Brian wasn’t interested in grooming his privates, and there was a generous around of hair between his legs. He was already hard, the head of his cock shining with beads of pre come. Stefan poured a good amount of lube onto his fingers, coating them completely. Without speaking, Brian grabbed his wrist and guided his hand lower, beneath his balls to a tight ring of muscle. Stefan felt it quiver in anticipation and when Brian nodded, he slowly slipped his middle finger inside. Brian left out a pleasurable sigh when he filled him up to the knuckle, circling his walls slowly. “You can add another,” Brian moaned out and Stef complied, spreading him out further and fucking him with his fingers. His middle finger brushed against something firm and Brian let out sinful sound, his back arching. “That’s it right there,” he whimpered. Stefan fucked him with three fingers til Brian had to stop him before he climaxed, pulling him out begrudgingly. The taller man pulled down his underwear, his cock springing up and pressing against his belly. Brian eyed it with lustful eyes. “My my aren’t you a grower,” Brian teased lightheartedly and Stefan blushed deep scarlet. He coated his cock thoroughly and moved closer between Brian’s spread legs. The feel of his hand on his cock elicited a moan from Stefan as the older man pressed the head against his entrance. He reached back up to squeeze the pillow beneath him, seafoam green eyes looking up in anticipation. 

No amount of masturbation, adult magazine skimming or snuff films could have prepared Stefan for the feeling of slipping inside Brian. There was tension at first from how tight Brian was, but past that ring of muscle, he was enveloped in wet heat. His eyes rolled back and he gripped Brian’s thigh for support as he began to thrust. Every nerve in his body was on fire and the sounds he was producing from Brian’s plush lips wasn’t helping him fight back his orgasm. After three more strokes, Stefan stiffened then came, coating Brian’s walls with his seed. He pulled out slowly as the familiar feeling of embarrassment reappeared. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, not able to look at the other man. Brian propped himself up on his elbows and clicked his tongue in chastisement. “No, don’t be sorry. No one lasts long their first time, god knows I didn’t.” Stefan smiled at him then looked back to Brian’s stiff cock while his own was already softening. “Can I try something?” He asked eagerly and the other bit back a moan. “God please do.” 

Stef wrapped his thin fingers around Brian’s member, using the leaking pre come as lubricant. The man whimpered beneath him, rocking his hips as Stef leaned closer. He took him into his mouth slowly and unsure what to do. He based his movements on the sounds Brian was producing and by the time he had taken him to the hilt, nose deep in the coarse dark hairs, Stef had a rough idea of what Brian liked. Slowly, he moved, bobbing his head in a steady rhythm and trying not to get his teeth in the way. Brian was a symphony of noir above him, one hand fisting the sheets, the other tugging at Stef’s bleached hair. “I’m g-gonna…Stef,” he stuttered out when the other hollowed out his cheeks. Brian jerked then stilled, coming with a loud whine. Stef choked a bit, gagging on the bitter taste as it dribbled down his chin. But he swallowed what he could and released Brian with a pop. Brian giggled in his post coital state, wiping Stef’s face with the edge of a sheet. He motioned for the younger one to come closer, and Stefan rested his head on Brian’s chest, the softness of his body like a cushion. He threw the blankets over them, and Brian sighed contentedly, despite the other man’s semen oozing from his entrance. 

“Thank you for that,” Stef said quietly, falling into a lull as Brian ran his fingers through his short hair. “You’re more than welcome baby.” Stef traced the swell of Brian’s belly with his index. He had never been cared for by anyone the way Brian did, and they didn’t even like each other in school. A strange feeling bubbled in his chest, warm and oddly comforting. It felt like fizzing, like mints and coke all shook up together. 

Stefan realized it was love.

“I want to do this again with you sometime,” he said, nearly half asleep. Brian chuckled softly, kissing his head. 

“I’d like that.”


End file.
